The answer really lies in a more important question:  what was your sex life like before your wife hit menopause? If it was great then it’ll be great (just with some work which I know you are up for). If your answer was it sucked then I hate to tell you, it’s not just going to suck, it’s going to get worse.

But even for those where the sex was really good, when menopause rears its ugly head, sometimes this treasure of yours is now locking the bedroom door and banishing you to the sofa to sleep. First of all, that may be a good thing as the bed is apt to get soaked during a particularly bad hot flash. And, seriously, you may want to have a Plan B for sleeping if the situation is this bad. This won’t diminish your love life; it just means you’ll both sleep better.

Back to the work a little harder bit: if the sex was good then keep doing all of the things you did so well before, plus some. For those where it wasn’t good, take a few notes.

• Do the laundry or vacuum (really anything she knows you absolutely hate to do)
• Listen to her tell you about her day without trying to fix anything
• Let her know you don’t get this, “I feel fat” thing, but it sounds awful all the while letting her know you adore her just the way she is.
• Point out your physical flaws. I’m sure you have a few. Show her a picture of you at 20 so both of you can have a good laugh.
• Take as long as it takes in the bedroom and then some
• Draw out the anticipation of luscious sex. Start in the morning with sweet nothings and naughty texts throughout the day
• Speaking of which, you don’t have to wait until the end of a long day, make a date for lunch…at home and get there early to turn the thermostat down
• If a hot flash pops up in the middle of love-making, get the ice cubes or the ice cream out. You might share a cold shower after but this time it’s worth it.
• Get creative. Buy toys and tons of exotic sounding lubricants. Sex and toys are like a new workout. You’ll find places and angles that have sensations you never knew existed.
• Giggle - a lot. It gets you through anything together.
• And one last reminder, if the answer this time is no then that is all it is; a no for this time.

 
All fun tips aside, we all have to respect what our bodies are telling us and not be afraid to share problems. Women hate to talk about sex problems and no more so when they feel their body is failing them. It’s often not known that creams, gels, inserts don’t just solve the problem, they actually enhance orgasms. Don’t let the squeamishness of not wanting to talk about this stuff not let you talk about this stuff. I’m getting squeamish just writing it but they are unavoidable if you want to continue to create a passionate life together. By the way, that passionate life together may involve different ways of meeting each other’s needs. It’s keeping an open mind to exploring new possibilities that is important. Remember, if you need a
neutral party to figure this all out, contact me! I am here to help.

And for those of you whose sex lives sucked then I know there were problems with your marriage long before menopause came along.  A few, fun tips aren’t going to solve anything for you or your marriage. Please keep in mind that you deserve a whole and happy life. It’s just not so easy to figure out what the problems are and how to fix them. If you are willing to talk about them and to want to make a change then I hope you contact me at christineacaldwell@gmail.com for a free consultation. I am definitely here to help! I also would love your thoughts and comments on the subject at Partner Support for Menopausal Wives, https://www.facebook.com/groups/292877614958533/.

Christine Caldwell Coaching
Christine Caldwell is a certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming coach, and has completed both the Robbins-Madanes Core 100 and Core 200 coaching programs. Additionally, Christine has 30 years’ experience as a sales and marketing executive, business owner and career counselor. For more information go to:  www.christinecaldwellcoaching.com.
 

Feel like punching a wall, shouting expletives to whoever is within shouting distance or drinking yourself into oblivion? Men, I’m talking to you. Some women suffer terribly during menopause. But men can have a tough go of it for different reasons.

There you are; the woman you love has turned into a wild creature, careening through mood swings like a roller-coaster and you can’t do anything to stop it. What’s worse than feeling helpless and powerless? You’re men, so, probably not too many other things. If you think about those times when you had no control over your life, how did you feel? Rage, right?  Well, your wife wants to scream at the world to make it stop and it just won’t.

Being men, where do you turn? To your buddies? That’s good for an extra pint or a chin-up old man or a weak joke but you still have to go home and face the missus.

So what can you do? Here are 5 tips to help you cope. By the way, writing these is easy, doing them is not, so cut yourself a lot of slack if you screw up. Just get back up on that horse and try again. You’ll get points for trying.

Tip #1: Stop feeling sorry for yourself
Wallowing in self-pity is for losers. Life isn’t fair so get over it. After all, she put up with you all those years.

Tip#2: Man Up
Throughout your relationship, you are the person your wife depended on for strength and consistency, her rock. Don’t give up now. This is your job so get to it.

Tip#3: Shut the f*#ck up
Do not, and I mean do not engage in a verbal battle. It will only prolong the nasty, violent outburst. Don’t offer suggestions or platitudes either. Those are fighting words.

Tip#4: Tell her you love her
Tell her you adore her, you love her and that she is your world and mean it.  Do this when you get up in the morning, when you return from work and when you are going to bed.

Tip#5: Walk away
If the meltdown and personal assaults are making you angry, walk away, leave the house. But not before you look her in the eyes and say, I love you and I’m here for you but I need an hour to be that man you need.

The really good news is that your wife will want you more than ever. It’s not going to be easy and each day brings the unknown but that also means there will be days and moments of supreme bliss.

If talking to a neutral, third party helps, then by all means contact Christine Caldwell Coaching. I am here to help. Contact me at christineacaldwell@gmail.com for a free consultation. I would also love your thoughts and comments at Partner Support for Menopausal Wives, https://www.facebook.com/groups/292877614958533/.

Christine Caldwell Coaching

​Christine Caldwell is a certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming coach, and has completed both the Robbins-Madanes Core 100 and Core 200 coaching programs. Additionally, Christine has 30 years’ experience as a sales and marketing executive, business owner and career counselor. For more information go to:  www.christinecaldwellcoaching.com.

For both wives and husbands, menopause can be a welcome and liberating time. Once post-menopause hits, there are no worries about becoming pregnant and making love becomes passionate, even better than when young. Indeed, women over 50 experience some of the best sex in their life! This is good news for both partners, right? But extreme menopause can make that sound like a pipe dream, especially when getting through the day for both the wife and husband becomes nothing short of a miracle.

Although menopause is tougher on the wife going through this cruel joke to womanhood, this article is dedicated to the husbands of those wives. Women need their husbands more than ever but husbands are stuck, they can’t “fix” anything. They become frustrated, maybe even act out in anger, that the wife they fell in love with has seemingly disappeared only to be replaced by a human roller coaster.

Further complicating the situation is there are few people a husband can actually talk to. Sure, you can joke with your buddies and at least there is a shared camaraderie but living with a menopausal wife is no joke.
One of the first things to realize is you’ve got to step up and be the man! One of the reasons your wife fell in love with you is because she could rely on you to be there for her, to have you put your strong arms around her when she needed it. This is no time to cop out and abdicate that role.

It’s also the perfect time to realize, “it is you, not me”. The emotional swings are not caused by you, so don’t take it personally. You are strong enough to weather the storm and, once over, to smile, hold her hand and look into her eyes and say, I love you. She will be so grateful for that!

Men can do well by talking to a coach, a neutral, third party, who can help them first understand menopause and then guide them through the process to the “other side”.  The coach is a great listener and someone who will not try and make a joke out of this very real problem. Venting is allowed, too! It can go a long way to letting frustration go. It’s also a safe place to open up about other issues. Perhaps you have concerns about your own life or the menopausal mood swings become outbursts directed in anger toward you and really signal of a much deeper issue.

I suggest you try coaching, there is only the upside. Rekindling the romance would be so worth it, now wouldn’t it?

​Christine Caldwell is a certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming coach, and has completed both the Robbins-Madanes Core 100 and Core 200 coaching programs. Additionally, Christine has 30 years’ experience as a sales and marketing executive, business owner and career counselor. For more information go to:  www.christinecaldwellcoaching.com.