For both wives and husbands, menopause can be a welcome and liberating time. Once post-menopause hits, there are no worries about becoming pregnant and making love becomes passionate, even better than when young. Indeed, women over 50 experience some of the best sex in their life! This is good news for both partners, right? But extreme menopause can make that sound like a pipe dream, especially when getting through the day for both the wife and husband becomes nothing short of a miracle.
Although menopause is tougher on the wife going through this cruel joke to womanhood, this article is dedicated to the husbands of those wives. Women need their husbands more than ever but husbands are stuck, they can’t “fix” anything. They become frustrated, maybe even act out in anger, that the wife they fell in love with has seemingly disappeared only to be replaced by a human roller coaster.
Further complicating the situation is there are few people a husband can actually talk to. Sure, you can joke with your buddies and at least there is a shared camaraderie but living with a menopausal wife is no joke.
One of the first things to realize is you’ve got to step up and be the man! One of the reasons your wife fell in love with you is because she could rely on you to be there for her, to have you put your strong arms around her when she needed it. This is no time to cop out and abdicate that role.
It’s also the perfect time to realize, “it is you, not me”. The emotional swings are not caused by you, so don’t take it personally. You are strong enough to weather the storm and, once over, to smile, hold her hand and look into her eyes and say, I love you. She will be so grateful for that!
Men can do well by talking to a coach, a neutral, third party, who can help them first understand menopause and then guide them through the process to the “other side”. The coach is a great listener and someone who will not try and make a joke out of this very real problem. Venting is allowed, too! It can go a long way to letting frustration go. It’s also a safe place to open up about other issues. Perhaps you have concerns about your own life or the menopausal mood swings become outbursts directed in anger toward you and really signal of a much deeper issue.
I suggest you try coaching, there is only the upside. Rekindling the romance would be so worth it, now wouldn’t it?
Christine Caldwell is a certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming coach, and has completed both the Robbins-Madanes Core 100 and Core 200 coaching programs. Additionally, Christine has 30 years’ experience as a sales and marketing executive, business owner and career counselor. For more information go to: www.christinecaldwellcoaching.com.