​So what does a photo of me dancing have to do with the essential topic at hand?  The short answer is everything, so please read on. When I hear a life coach say that they have helped people make life-long changes in an instant, even 60 minutes, I just want to scream. Akin to weight loss claims that over-promise quick results, a soul-wrenching realization at the hands of even the most skillful coach doesn’t lead to lifelong change without work.
Can you make a commitment to change in an instant? Absolutely. Sustain it without hard work? Absolutely not. Only diligence and a belief in yourself can bring lifelong change. There are coaching strategies that can provide the tools but you have to supply the muscle power. Strategic Intervention strategies are an example of ones I know can work. They are effective because they are predicated on two proven tenets: if you’ve ever experienced joy you are able to recreate that feeling. Second, you have the power to make that happen. Easy, however, it is not.

I’m a good example of both recreating the feeling of joy and the work needed to make it stick. During and after a bad marriage, I felt debilitating depression and anxiety. Deep down, I knew I wasn’t going to live my life in a depressed state forever but had no idea how to change, therefore, I didn’t. I also knew that listening to music had always put a smile on my face and dancing made me laugh out loud but I hadn’t had that experience for 15 years. Fifteen years of being stuck! After my divorce, I started to go out and listen to music and dance and the smiling and laughing returned. It was something I wanted more of. This joy might only last 2 hours but it meant 2 hours less of being depressed. Over time, I began to feel more joy to where I now sometimes feel cranky or anxious 1-2 hours a day. Perfect, I am not and I am willing to bet you I never will be; but this is a whole heck of a lot better than being depressed or anxious 16 hours of my waking day. What also slowly happened was an increasing ability to pinpoint what was causing the anxiety. I could then take steps to manage or eliminate the cause and, even better, get in touch with an inner source of strength to relax and create positive thoughts even when the stressor was sitting right in front of me.

Fast forward 8 years later and I am studying Strategic Intervention Coaching. It hit me that what I had been doing all those years was following their methodologies. I realized:

1. I could change
2. Identify what brought me joy
3. Do whatever it took as often as I could to do those things that brought me joy
4. Recognize and applaud myself when being happy
5. Reach out and help others experience joy
6. Constantly validate what worked and stop doing what didn’t
7. Repeat

It took me many years, though, to gain this awareness. I learned that Strategic Intervention coaching can give you the tools to in just months. And I know that each day now brings another opportunity to both experience joy and to improve my ability to turn my thoughts around.

Each of us has to identify those things that bring joy. It can be spending time with a grandchild, playing golf, playing cards or reading. Take the time to identify those things and then build them into your life, one hour at a time if need be.

Don’t wait as long as I did! Contact Christine Caldwell Coaching to start you on your journey to a positive and meaningful life. For a free consultation you can contact me by going to https://www.christinecaldwellcoaching.com/ or by emailing chris@christinecaldwellcoaching.com. 

And, no matter what your age remember the words of Leeann Womack: “When you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.” Just like my friend and his 90 year-old mom do.

Of all the negative beliefs that people can get stuck in, the “I-am-not-worthy-one", is huge. It strikes just about every person and causes much unhappiness in every aspect of a person’s life. There are ways to turn that belief around and one of them is a strategy called Coaching 360. It taps our inner selves, those parts of our self that fight against each other. It’s easier to understand through example, so here are 3 real-life coaching situations where people turned their lives around.

To anyone that knew Grace, a successful 73 year old businesswoman, you would have thought she had it all. She had owned a thriving business and was now a yoga and meditation teacher. She found joy in dancing and even danced competitively. But deep down she didn’t feel worthy or comfortable around people. She was asked to identify this feeling and to treat it like a person. Asked to give this feeling a name, Grace called her “I-don’t-belong”. It was clear I-don’t-belong ruled her life. Over the course of a few coaching sessions, Grace was taught to listen to her, to solicit I-don’t-belong’s help and to actively work with her for a more joyful life. Aligning with that part of you that holds you back can make all the difference in leading a more fulfilling life. Part of the acceptance was that Grace realized she didn’t always have to belong. She and “I-don’t-belong” could decide and feel good about the decision.

Alice was a 47 year old women who didn’t believe she was worthy of a romantic relationship. She was also asked to give a name to this feeling and she called her Safety. Safety made sure Alice did not get hurt and told her the job she loved and her handful of close friends provided all the love and connection she needed. But Alice knew there was another part of her that missed romantic love and really wanted it. The coach asked Alice to give her a name and a persona as well. Alice called her Cinnamon. Alice introduced Safety to Cinnamon and had them decide how they could work together to help Alice. It’s important to honor and understand the positive intent of each part of you. They are there to serve but sometimes one runs roughshod over the other and doesn’t allow the other any time. Safety was so busy making sure Alice didn’t get hurt that Alice was missing out. As she gave voice to Cinnamon, with the help of the coach suggesting ways to bring her out more often to “play”, Alice was able to open up to the possibility of a romantic relationship.

Fifty-nine year old Steve also had an issue with feeling worthy. In general, he was upbeat and loved life until he was let go from his job. Most men thrive on doing; their self-esteem is tied to that, especially their job. If that is lost then they can feel lost and unworthy. The name Steve gave this feeling was “The Doer”. The Doer was responsible for so much that had been important and necessary for Steve to succeed in his life. Success in this case didn’t just mean monetary success, it meant providing for his family and feeling that he was making a difference in their lives and in the lives of others. Men also know that without The Doer, we women wouldn’t love them. But Steve recognized there was something he was missing, he just wasn’t sure what. He definitely knew that losing his job was sending him into a downward spiral. As he went deep inside he found there were other parts, all wanting to be given a voice. Steve identified The Lover and The Believer, parts of him that wanted to not just give but also to receive love and knew leaving a legacy to those he loved and to the world were important. He was able to get those 3 parts of him to work together and come to a belief that his next job would be great but it wouldn’t define him.

Perhaps all this sounds too simple or too hokey. It is rather simple but most of us don’t realize the power that each of us has inside. Although the description of the above scenarios were greatly shortened. aligning inner voices to result in a unified, happy person is truly not difficult. I’ve seen it happen but it does take work and it takes repetition. But it seems so “worth it”, doesn’t it? Please go to www.christinecaldwellcoaching.com or contact me at chris@christinecaldwellcoaching.com for a free consultation.

Christine Caldwell Coaching
Christine Caldwell is a certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming Life Coach and has completed both the Robbins-Madanes Core 100 and Core 200 coaching programs. Additionally, Christine has 30 years’ experience as a sales and marketing executive, business owner and career counselor. For more information go to:  www.christinecaldwellcoaching.com.
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Sculpture by artist, Alexander Milov, showcased at The Burning Man Festival, 2015

Here is an example of how coaching helped Ann, a woman who refused rehab after a hip replacement The strategies used with Ann are called Strategic Intervention and rely on the work of many different modalities, along with what is termed Neuro-Linguistic Programming. NLP, although a strange name, is rooted in finding and repeating positive memories and using a physiological change to cement a new and more positive belief. In Ann’s case, she knew she was stuck but couldn’t change her mindset.
 
The background is a hip replacement for an otherwise, physically healthy 75 year old woman which resulted in a lack of motivation to do the rehab. Her doctors and physical therapists tried to help, encouraging her to take small steps toward her recovery to show how there would be important improvements each time. Clearly, something else was going on but she was not sharing what that was. The healthcare professionals turned to a coach trained in Strategic Intervention as a last resort. The coach set out to look for resources within Ann to find the motivation to recover her health.

The coach's first step was to “break the pattern” of Ann's negative thinking. This served to show Ann the power of re-thinking a problem. In Ann’s case, a “Five Minute Miracle” of sixty second breathing breaks, one every three hours was implemented. She was also reminded that she was the head of her family and the matriarch, an important role she acknowledged and one she wanted to maintain. Ann was asked to talk about positive memories that occurred as the head of the family, for example, family reunions and weddings. Another positive thought Ann brought to mind was a memory of her dancing for her mother’s approval as a small girl. That gave her a “joy in motion” memory to come back to and was the “physiological” change needed to regain physical health and motion. The memory also served to remind her of her mom's love when she was a young child. This further reinforced the importance of loving her grandchildren to give them that same feeling of love and connection.

Next, Ann was asked to write a short letter to herself from the  little girl that used to dance. This created a connection to the little girl with her adult self. SI also believes that if you experienced joy at one time in your life, you can again. You have proven to yourself that you can do it and bringing it to the surface reminds you of that possibility.

Ann also shared the wonderful memory of Ginger, a horse she loved, and how she would ride up into the mountains. Ann loved Ginger deeply and Ginger loved Ann and she was able to relive and “feel” those times riding. The kick was that Ginger was not beautiful and getting older but could still carry her through the mountains. This became the main image of a body no longer young and beautiful but still capable of carrying her through the “mountains and valleys” of life. Repeatedly, Ann was asked to feel the wind and the sun on her face, feel Ginger’s motion in her hips, each step rippling through her body as she rode. Continuing through the repetitions was the deep breathing, every three hours a day.

During her rehab sessions, Ann was asked to breathe deeply and think about Ginger with every halting step. Each day, Ann was asked to repeat these steps. Slowly but surely and with a new sense of confidence, Ann healed and was able to resume playing with her grandchildren.

For a free consultation, please go to www.christinecaldwellcoaching.com or email me directly at chris@christinecaldwellcoaching.com.

Christine Caldwell Coaching
Christine Caldwell is a certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming Life Coach, and has completed both the Robbins-Madanes Core 100 and Core 200 coaching programs. Additionally, Christine has 30 years’ experience as a sales and marketing executive, business owner and career counselor. For more information go to:  www.christinecaldwellcoaching.com.